To the girl that I lost.

Its been a long time since I’ve blogged, I don’t even think anyone’s going to read this but sometimes when your chest feels heavy and there’s a weight pushing you down, you just need to clear your thoughts. Even if no one reads them or even understands them.

I met a girl when I was 18, same course as me at Uni, I didn’t realise at the time but she would become my best friend throughout my time there and a few years after we left too. I don’t know where she is now, I hope she’s okay .. I hope you’re okay darling.

Sometimes we come across situations that put us in a bad spot, they make us feel bad about ourselves and everything we do, even when we know what we are being made to feel bad about,  although it may be right for anyone else, its not right for us. So we fight for ourselves; I hope you’re still fighting, I hope you didn’t give up. We push the people that care about us away; I don’t understand why you let us go, and I’m angry at you, so angry, but my worry precedes the anger.

She stopped being my friend a long time ago, she’s my sister. I hope she knows that, I’m always here, I don’t think you’re going to see this but I hope you do and understand how I feel. I want you to stay strong, keep on fighting for yourself even if its without us, I’m still here. I hope letting us go was the right decision for you, I miss you. I miss my friend, I miss the girl I knew as my Paji. Its such a strange thing isn’t it? Speaking to someone everyday and then suddenly there’s this loud silence, there’s nothing there and you don’t know how to fill the void. That’s what your absence is for me, a void that was once filled by your light.

I hope you’ve found your happy, and if not.. I hope the path your on leads you there.

 

 

 

 

Walking Disaster – ‘Review’

51hfnslxWPL__SL500_AA300_Okay first of all ….. OMG OMG OMG!!! IYEEEEEE jhdskhwdihnuihcjncuie :O

Right, now that, that particular ‘feeling’ is done with, although of course I’m still feeling it but anyways! Oh my days, looking through my Filofax I saw that I had pre-ordered the Kindle copy on the 8th of November 2012, wow. Lets just say time went really, really very much slower than it should have. I was sooo annoyed last night when the clock struck 12 and there I was sat wide-eyed, freakishly terrifying grin on my face (I think I freaked myself there too) waiting … waiting … still waiting for my copy to come through!! Amazon you and I so need to have a chat about your timing! I mean it came … at 1.20am but then my mum 😥 The woman just does not understand the importance of having my Travis fix 😥
But nonetheless good things come to those who wait and I can honestly say it really was worth the wait. I finally can understand the dynamics behind the oh so beautiful Travis ‘Mad Dog’ Maddox, his insecurities and his extreme obsession for his ‘Pidgeon'(How awesome is the meaning behind this nickname! :O ) Guess you’ll just have to get the book to find out won’t you 😀

I have of course ordered a paperback from Waterstones last night, so I will be going down there tomorrow to harass the poor soul who will be working there 😀 And no I am not being unreasonable here :O This is Travis!!! The man that I will forever compare other men with, the one who feels with no shame, the one who reconstructs faces like a pro, the one with the tattoos… woowsers iyeeeee 😀

“One of these days you’re going to fall in love, son. Don’t settle for just anyone. Choose the girl that doesn’t come easy; the one you have to fight for, and then never stop fighting. Never.”
Now this is how to hook a reader people!!! My goodness .. as soon as I read those lines .. I could see straight away WHY!!! :O

So many things finally made sense, it’s crazy and I know I said that before but they really did. When I read the ‘first book’ so many times I was frustrated with Travis and his ‘temper tantrums’ but reading this book? Boy I fell in love with you all over again. The intensity of his emotions feel so real, I actually felt what he was feeling with his anger, his jealousy? I totally felt like finding Parker, grabbing him, twirling him round and round and throwing him so far away he landed in the bloody North Pole!!!

“You need to walk away, Pidge. God knows I can’t walk away from you.”
This line stood out to be in the first book and it stood out again in this one, except in this one we find out why he can’t walk away and the reasons make me want to slap him and hug him all at once.. Iyee Trav … I bloody eeee

Noo I will not be giving any ‘spoilers’ away (the ones above don’t count because their also from the first book … minus the first one 😛 )except to say that the ending?? So unexpected that I just had to read it at least 3 times and still I was working my Freaky grin. People please … Go buy this book! Gosh I know sometimes books from another POV can disappoint (Not to point fingers at anyone or anything) But honestly this did not disappoint, I can honestly say I was at the edge of my seat, the same feeling I had with Beautiful Disaster, the churning gut, the goofy smile, the annoyed pffts at some of the scenes … You Jamie Mcguire are a genius woman!! Iyeeeee Travis

Love – Heartbreak – Soulmates

Let’s try something serious today ….

What exactly is love? Think about it, there are all forms, the love of a parent, the love of a friend, child, sibling, husband, lover, pet etc etc. Someone once told me its a feeling, an emotion from the heart, but another someone told me its the breaking of the heart. What do I think? I think they were right, both these someones, obviously with experience knew what love felt like, I know what it feels like and in one form or another, no matter what you believe, so do you.

We see it all the time in movies, girl meets guy, they become frenemys, later fall in love and then the airport scene comes and yada yada yada :/ it’s always the same thing. Everyone has a special someone made just for them. That one person that can make you mad, laugh, cry and embarrass you all in the space of a heartbeat. Qualities, these are what draws us to that special someone, it could be as simple as a smile, their eyes, their personality, it could literally be anything! even that silly face they make just to make you laugh, you know the one, the cross your eyes and stick out your tongue look. 😛

Heartbreak, you can say is given, it is in fact so expected you can’t say it was so unexpected because it wasn’t it was simply the situation that was unexpected. It could be a simple white lie or a secret they couldn’t tell you and you get the heart palpitations and the gut version of Titanic.

Do I believe in soulmates? I don’t know, but by God I hope they exist 😀 So lets raise our glasses (be it water, wine or juice) … To the ones we love. May you never break our hearts.

Regret – Wise words – The List – and The Trick

No matter what we do, what we say, there’s something we will always regret, and that’s life. it may take an extra long time before we get over all the ‘could haves’ and ‘should haves’. We regret on relationships, on education, on life and most of all we regret on ourselves. We regret that we missed out on what others didn’t, on the places we could have holiday-ed in, the teachers we could have chucked out of the schoolroom window and  the relationships we could have stopped souring etc.

Regret, the one thing that will always remind us of those incompetent stages of our lives. But for some reason we tend to forget all the things we did manage to achieve, of all we gained and of all the new people who entered our lives and left their mark.

Life isn’t fair, we’ve been told that one way or another ever since we were little, it may have been something we wanted and were told no and said that’s not fair, and the typical ‘I’m a parent and therefore am superior than you’ reply? “Well life’s not fair”. For some reason the meaning of these small yet very wise words don’t really hit us until we’re much older and (apparently) wiser and we finally realise, it’s true! Life really isn’t fair and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it, except maybe just take it on the chin and carry on as if the sun shines from our butts.

Yesterday wasn’t exactly the best of days for me, hence my melancholy, dramatic, damsel in distress attitude, but one thing I  learnt a long time ago is that no matter what they say, what they do, or how they treat you? Never show them that it may just have a tiny bit stung. Staying quite isn’t always a bad thing, it sometimes works in your favour, it stops you from saying something you’ll later regret.

“Words said in anger, hold only candor (c)Peanut

Keeping quite may just stop you from adding another tick to your Regret List. But saying that? do keep in mind that speaking out may also just keep the ‘regret list’ to a minimum. The trick is to know when to speak out and when to hold back. It’ll take a while but I’m sure you’ll get there one day, with a bit of practice, hopefully I will too.

xxooxxooxx

Letter 2 Self

To Myself, a year from now,

Wow, a whole years gone by, I get the feeling it must have gone pretty fast for you, I bet you had fun and made gazillions of friends and they now stalk you on Facebook … bless you 😛

Hopefully, you did well on your course in the first year, hopefully you understood what was asked of you, you got your work in on time, didn’t make any enemy’s and got along with any groups you were put into. I’m sure you must have found it a little awkward in the beginning with meeting all these new people and making new friends, im sure you did fine and adapted to all these changes, university is a big jump from A-levels, bet you were glad when you found out there’s no exams to take 🙂

A lot of things can happen in 368 days, you probably lost contact with some of your closest friends, they went their way and you went yours, but I’m sure you figured out for yourself that these things are normal, im pretty sure you must have met up for lunch with some of them whenever you all were free at the same time, seeing as most of them study at Coventry uni just like you. In the beginning of the year you set yourself some goals, one of the main one was to create at least 2 blogs that have nothing to do with education and everything to do about useless things, fingers crossed you stuck with them goals and didn’t leave them half-finished.

sincerely, your future self

One year older and one year wiser 😉

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