Its been a long time since I’ve blogged, I don’t even think anyone’s going to read this but sometimes when your chest feels heavy and there’s a weight pushing you down, you just need to clear your thoughts. Even if no one reads them or even understands them.
I met a girl when I was 18, same course as me at Uni, I didn’t realise at the time but she would become my best friend throughout my time there and a few years after we left too. I don’t know where she is now, I hope she’s okay .. I hope you’re okay darling.
Sometimes we come across situations that put us in a bad spot, they make us feel bad about ourselves and everything we do, even when we know what we are being made to feel bad about, although it may be right for anyone else, its not right for us. So we fight for ourselves; I hope you’re still fighting, I hope you didn’t give up. We push the people that care about us away; I don’t understand why you let us go, and I’m angry at you, so angry, but my worry precedes the anger.
She stopped being my friend a long time ago, she’s my sister. I hope she knows that, I’m always here, I don’t think you’re going to see this but I hope you do and understand how I feel. I want you to stay strong, keep on fighting for yourself even if its without us, I’m still here. I hope letting us go was the right decision for you, I miss you. I miss my friend, I miss the girl I knew as my Paji. Its such a strange thing isn’t it? Speaking to someone everyday and then suddenly there’s this loud silence, there’s nothing there and you don’t know how to fill the void. That’s what your absence is for me, a void that was once filled by your light.
I hope you’ve found your happy, and if not.. I hope the path your on leads you there.